Wednesday, January 14, 2015

On my own

Well, a few years ago I had to conquer a fear. Not that I enjoy the conquering of fear but it is releasing to know I am not tied to a fear.

The fear:
Climbing in the attic

A few years ago we had a water leak. The leak caused me to call my husband and he had me go in the attic (he could not leave work to come home I had to do this) and let him know what I found. Knocked knees and all I did it but truthfully it took me about 40 minutes to convince myself to get on the attic stairs and to the landing of the attic. I had no clue where to look or even what I was looking at or for but I did it because well I had to.

I remember crying. I was afraid. Afraid of the stairs. Afraid of the height. Afraid of falling through. Afraid of finding a dead animal.

But I did it.

And now here I am years later. The attic is a little more organized. The fear is gone. I can even put all of the Christmas decor away.

There is something great about relieving yourself of any fear of something that you've feared for a long time. Sometimes there is a perk to being able to do something on your own. It isn't because you did not need help it is simply because you came this far that it is pure accomplishment.

Monday, January 12, 2015


My (older) kids are in a time of "favorites" they always have a favorite choice or a competition of favorites. Sometimes their favorite is only to make their sibling fuss, reality is they only said it was a favorite to get the rise out of them.

Like my daughter has a favorite doll. She's had Lucy for 5 years.
My son has a favorite stuffed toy. He's slept with chop for 8 years.

They have favorite shirts that they wear over and over again.
They have favorite pants the ones they have holes in the knees.

A favorite place or memory of a place.

A favorite book.
A favorite subject in school.

But reality is they strive to be The Favorite:
The favorite sibling
The favorite child
The favorite cousin
The favorite grandchild
The favorite friend

I've noticed that when we go outside to play everyone plays until another player is factored in. When that person is factored in someone is left out. Our street has several children whom my kids can play with (when the weather is well).

4 kids across the street and 4 kids on our side of the street that we can play with on a more regular basis. Reality is there are at least 10 other kids on the street and 5 of them are on the "teenage/middle/high school range."

One day we were outside and all was well until a neighbor kid came home with his grandma. Suddenly no one was good enough another friend only wanted the kid who just got home to come out and play too. This began a living tantrum that lasted for what seems like eternity.

So my question is??????

Do you spend time with your favorite person?
Do you do your favorite thing?
Do you reminiscese on your favorite memory?

If your not.....take a moment to thank God you have a moment to have all of your favorites.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

The life

Life is about to get busy.
Granted, a good kind of busy. I was recently told that others may be deterred from doing various activities because it is perceived that we are so busy. We are only as busy as we want to be.

Such as the same.....our life is about to get busy.

Coming up on Saturday I need to see if I can find childcare for the two littles for a few hours. If I don't get someone it isn't life shattering or the end of the world.

Saturday my daughter has a badge workshop through her troop. She is earning the cupcake badge (I say cupcake but it is really cake decorating, but we are going to a local bakery that specializes in cupcakes). This shop (owner/staff) is a Cupcake Wars winner. So therefore I call it the "Cupcake badge"

Saturday my oldest son has activities all day in another county which include an overnight stay.

Sunday my daughter has another meeting but this time it is a full meeting but we are supposed to do woodworking, but I will just plan to have the littles with their dad for that meeting.

Then we have mass week of this that and the other.

Friday sometime (not tomorrow but a week from tomorrow) we have company coming. Friends are coming to town to watch my marathon man run well, a marathon on Sunday. Friday we also have our 3 oldest signed up for childcare and hopefully we will go out to a quiet(er) dinner with our friends.

Saturday (next week still) marathon man and thing 1 will be running a 5k. Maybe one of our friends will join them in the 5k but the other was recently in a car accident and will not be participating in the 5k.

Sunday (yes, 9 days away) marathon man will run his marathon.

The next two weekends will be cluttered with scouting for food and other events.

The thing is.....we paid for the overnight trip.
The thing is.....we paid for the 5ks / marathon
The thing is....we are paying for the childcare

No one forces us to participate in the events. Yes, there are times that we even "roll our eyes to one more thing" but this is the 1 activitiy our kids have. We don't have them in sports, dance, gymnastics, chess club, lego club, TaeKwando or any other activity.

So pardon me while I clean my house in anticipation of company coming. Reality is......I only get like 1 hour a day.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015


This year brings hopeful change.

I am not talking weight change though that would be extra nice. Actually my husband and I have a goal to loose 20 pounds. Since September (the birth of my baby boy) I have lost approximately 37 pounds. Yes, that means I lost all the weight I gained during my back to back pregnancies and then a few more pounds, but what I don't mention is I never fully lost everything I gained after having the baby a year before.

I am not talking about bringing another baby into the family. I sent my mother in law and sisters in law a text message yesterday telling them the news that they would not be getting a text message from me this month saying "I am due in September." After having babies 12 months apart I could only add a little humor to their day promising I wouldn't have 3 in 24 months time :)

What I am talking about is finding myself. Finding ourselves. Now before I go any further I am not typing this for advice or opinion it is merely what we have talked about and hopefully happening this year. It is a BIG goal because it does require a dump truck of patience and money commitments.

Our house is outgrown. Now before someone reads this blog and tells me "you can live there and make do" know that you are reading the blog of someone who grew up in an 800-900 square foot home and had two other siblings.

We simply are flying by the seat of our pants here. The last 4 years (yes 4 years) our budget has been complicated by a pregnancy. In essence we have been pregnant in 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014. The pregnancy in 2011 ended in an ER visit (that I did not fight the bill on but should have). The pregnancy in 2012 did not make it past week 5 so therefore there were no lasting complications. However, I feel as though I let myself go because I had to prove to myself that I was not broken. I felt broken even though I had two precious children already and they were 4 years old and 6 years old.

When in January 2013 I found out I was pregnant again. I was two things 1) scared and 2) overjoyed. However, it didn't help that I felt like I was stealing the thunder of others around me. In December one sister in law finally revealed she was pregnant with number 3 and when I found out I was expecting I had my true suspicions that another sister in law was in fact expecting too (that was some Christmas drama that I love to laugh about now) but it was only suspect to me (I married the brother we are the last ones to find out anything due to the sister bond :) ). It was a cold rainy day but I knew I had to go get a blood test to make sure it was even viable and if it was where I stood on making it to term. In February it was determined that everything looked fine. So in March we planned for my husband to have a heart procedure. His procedure would be covered by insurance and we'd have to pay X dollars out of pocket. My pregnancy was not covered by insurance so we had to pay for baby out of pocket completely. But by November 2013 everything was paid for (well with exception of what we had to put on the credit card but we were making it work) medical wise.

THEN..........our bathroom broke.
THEN......our water heater broke.
THEN.....our dryer broke.
THEN...we bought tile
THEN.....the wet saw we were borrowing made my husband upset one more time so we bought our own
and the project has started 2015 still being a little shy of complete. We just need to trim the door and finish the faucet spout to the tub. That's it.

But we have dilapidated all funds for any other home improvement. We had big plans while my husband was home for vacation at Christmas and New Years but the weather was completely uncooperative. It was rainy. It was cold. We couldn't just send the kids in the back yard for a while they would have been underfoot the entire time we tried any project (painting, sink renovation, or finishing the bathroom).

So this year I am hopeful. I am hopeful that we can not only save money and fix up our house (we have things we need to do and things we want to do) and hopefully we can put the house up for sale by the end of the year.  It is going to take a big commitment. I'm not in a place where I can actually take on anything job wise that will help with making money. The way my days go the best thing I get is 2 hours a day but that's seasonal too.

But I can't do this any longer then I have to. I am tired of floating.